How to Stop Hating Your Ex
Foreword
"High conflict divorce continues to produce terrible and sometimes lifelong psychological
damage to the children of divorce. One of the most challenging obstacles for parents to
overcome are decisions revolving around custody schedules and post-divorce co-parenting.
Custody decision-making is a notorious battleground with the quest being “to win” child
custody. Sadly, there really are no winners during a divorce and the losers in this battle
are always the children. Parents lose sight of the fact that the person they are battling
with is the mother or father of their child and that child only wants to see and hear about
the good in each parent. Focusing on the ex-spouse tends to blind parents from the insight
and awareness of the harm they are causing their children by arguing, fighting, and
being vicious in front of the eyes and ears of their own children.
In my practice I coach parents how to get through a divorce or custody dispute on the path of least
resistance. Eventually, there is almost always a sense of relief by my clients that they no longer have to fight, but instead can
advocate with purpose and good child-centered judgment. This is an uphill effort, but the parents who stick with it are the ones
willing to do the personal work that requires them to keep their children’s best interests in the forefront. This orients a parent to a
personal and internal therapeutic undertaking rather than an external battle that has collateral damage to the child. Growth does
not come with easy decisions, but always with personal change and substantial compromise to be the better person and better
parent.
How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace comes as a valuable resource for any parent going through a
divorce. I have found it to be extremely unique in the brutal honesty that was disclosed by René Ashton’s journey through a painful
co-parenting relationship and custody matter. If you are a parent in a divorce, you will surely identify with her regardless of your
gender and learn from her shared strengths and weaknesses. The exercises in this book are ones that promote your own honesty and
encourage you to remain engaged in prioritizing your child’s needs. It will hold you accountable for being responsive to their
development and well being. This accountability can raise your esteem and challenge you to reach your potential to be an optimal
role model as the mother or father your child deserves. This book will become a “must-read” and “must-do” form of therapeutic
homework for the clients in my practice in years to come."
Dr. Eric Frazer, Forensic Psychologist
Assistant Clinical Professor-Yale University School of Medicine www.DrFrazer.com
“This book offers a unique combination of a personal story and thought provoking suggestions and exercises. Although the topic of
divorce and co-parenting is laden with theory and deep emotions, René’s casual and humorous writing style makes it an easy read.
While validating the overwhelming emotions (so important!) which arise as a result of divorce and co-parenting issues, René’s
analogies and metaphors elicit the recognition reflex and an occasional chuckle (also very important!). “There was a lot of water
loss in my body during the pregnancy. It all came from my eyes! I like the way she reinforced and repeated the significance of
working through the exercises, which provide a valuable tool for insight, awareness and eventual healing. “How To Stop Hating
Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace” reveals that it isn’t just about “going” through but rather “growing” through the
difficult life experience of divorce and co-parenting. Just as René did, readers will be able to acquire insight and awareness in order
to emerge as whole and happy people who are excellent parents and positive role models for their children.
Linda A. Lucatorto, M.Ed., CPC
The Oasis Experience, Inc. ® www.OasisExperience.com
"At last an amazing book has arrived, How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace. This information will provide
millions of parents with an educational tool that will teach, motivate, test, solve and change barriers that often interfere with the
important task of parents working together after a divorce or separation.
René Ashton’s personal experiences of struggling and surviving are comforting and insightful. Ms. Ashton encourages one to
become transparent with their own emotions without guilt as they work through the difficult process of parenting after a separation.
A valuable resource long pass due. Thanks.”
Jacqueline Bunkley, Social Worker, Teacher & Consultant/ Guest Lecturer for the Los Angeles Superior Court/ Family Court
Services/ PACT
"Overcoming abusive relationships is a multi-dynamic process. René Ashton's book kick-starts the healing by compassionately
bringing the reader to a safe place to examine his/her own needs and the strengths possessed to achieve them."
Julia P. Pengra Clarke, M.A. RDT.
"As a mediator, I have conducted well over 4,500 child custody mediations. Many disputed issues can be avoided, making court
intervention unnecessary if divorcing parents learn how to deal with their own thoughts and emotions first. How to Stop Hating
Your Ex lays out a very simple, yet effective way to do just that and as a result, save themselves and their children a lot of
heartache. I heartily endorse Rene' Ashton's work because she speaks truth straight from her own experiences. I am convinced that
if more post-divorce parents would apply what she teaches, there would be fewer protracted family law court cases and families
would be able to get on with their lives much sooner.
Richard E. Abbey, MA
Empowering Families
www.EmpowerMyFamily.com
"As a matrimonial and custody lawyer for 30 years I’ve been leading the fight for fathers’ rights and I know first-hand what my
firm’s clients need to get through the demanding world of Family Law. This masterful integration of her personal story, empathy for
the reader and thoughtfully created exercises insures that when an individual is ready they will have a powerful tool in their hands.
René’s insightful and heartfelt work will become an indispensable guidebook and resource for those who are ready to move forward
in their life and the lives of their children.
Attorney Jeffery M. Leving
DadsRights.com
"Are you spending every waking hour hating your ex for the misery in your life? Many people feel this way after divorce. I hear
from women all the time who are still angry at their ex many years after their divorce. This is such a waste because this resentment
keeps them chained to the past, unable to move on and enjoy life. Do you really want to be controlled by your bitter feelings ten
years from now?
If you're ready to move on with your life, then take the time to read "How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In
Peace" by René Ashton. This is a great book for any parent who is struggling with their feelings about co-parenting with an ex that
has caused them pain.
Using her own trials and tribulations as an example, René walks you through the steps to peel back the layers of anger, hurt, and
resentment that may be holding you back from being the best parent for your child. This is a hands-on; roll up your sleeves type of
book that requires more than just casual reading (which is often quickly forgotten). With guided exercises, you can begin to work
through your emotions and get past the bitterness that colors your world. And yes, it really is possible.
Even though the book is geared towards helping you co-parent in peace, it's also an excellent resource for helping anyone move
past a break-up, separation, or divorce. By taking control of how you feel about the situation, you can then focus on becoming the
best parent for your child. And after all, that's what it's all about."
Tracy Achen, Founder of WomansDivorce.com
“I found René’s book to be dead-on when she gives suggestions on how to reduce and control the negative aspects when you
“must” co-parent with your ex. As a divorce mediator, I can attest to what René states in her book. If you take what she writes to
heart, you will be a better parent."
Brian James, C.E.L. & Associates, Inc. Divorce Mediation & Therapy Services
www.yourdivorce.org
"René’s book is a brilliant and down to earth reminder that our children and our joy must be priorities, that forgiveness is so
important and powerful, and that world peace begins at home.”
Wendy Spiller, Spiritual Coach www.LifeLovesYou.ws
“How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace is a masterpiece. Not only does René share her personal life story
and her many challenges, she also mentors and encourages you throughout the book with tips and tools to support you when
dealing with your ex. What a powerful combination!”
Joanie Winberg, Founder and CEO
National Association of Divorce for Women & Children
NADWC.org
"As an expert in the field of parenting, communication skills and personal development, I highly recommend this book. René takes
you through a step-by-step process that releases animosity so you can take responsibility for your own actions and be the best
parent you can be. Your kids deserve it!"
Andrea Frank Henkart
Bestselling author
Cool Communication: From Conflict to Cooperation for Parents and Kids
"An honest look at taking responsibility for yourself and moving out of the victim place and into personal power, this book shows
you how with humor blended with the tears.”
Jean Adrienne, Author & Internet Talk Show Host www.inner-speak.com
"Phyllis Block owner of Kidz-first monitoring service in Los Angeles wishes all her clients would read René’s book. The book would
give fighting couples a chance to listen to someone who has been where they are. Most couples are so caught up in being right or
wanting revenge that don’t think about their children. Children have a right to love both parents and spend time with both parents.
Thanks René for writing such a honest and straight forward book."
Phyllis Block, Kidz-first
"How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace is more than just a book; it’s a tool single parents can use to help
achieve co-parenting success.
Although the divorce process is hard enough for people to face, trying to adjust to life after divorce is more difficult than many
realize. Throwing children into the mix can potentially lead to a disaster if parents aren’t prepared for the challenges presented
while parenting with an ex.
René Ashton’s book helps readers take the focus off hating an ex-spouse and put the focus on themselves and what they can control.
Learn what you can do to take control of a situation right along with the author. Put the focus back on you and what you can do to
be more productive while completing the exercises in the book along with the author.
This book is a great way to get down to business and figure out how you really feel about the situations you face, your ex and
yourself. But more importantly, the book will help you work through those feelings so you can make having a successful parenting
relationship with your ex achievable and triumphant.
After divorce, make sure your child knows you are there for him or her. Get helpful tips on how to choose activities that will be fun
for you and your child. The book does a great job at getting readers to think about themselves for a change, as well as how to
create the best environment for their child.
Realize with the help of this book that you aren’t in a relationship with your ex anymore. Stop yourself from continuing to be the
relationship you once had – take a breath and get your power back after reading Ashton’s section about past relationships.
Wake up and smell the coffee! This book even points out how the emotions you have been bottling up inside are affecting your body.
René Ashton does a wonderful job relating to the feelings and situations her readers are experiencing while co-parenting. She helps
readers learn from her mistakes and grow by looking at their actions.
All-in-all How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent in Peace is a quick yet informative read that offers readers a look at
how successful co-parenting can work. René’s easy-going tone makes it feel like you are having a conversation with a friend rather
than reading a How-to book."
Erin Kelley, writer for Total Divorce
"Don’t be deceived by the lightheartedness of this gem of a book. It is chock full of powerful insights and advice about how to
effectively navigate the most important post-divorce relationships in your life; your children and your former spouse.
Each year more than one million children in the U.S. are affected by the grim reality of divorce. It goes without saying that all
divorcing parents want what is best for their children. It is equally true, however, that most divorcing parents are so preoccupied
with their own post-divorce sadness, anger, and fear (to name just a few of the overwhelming emotions they are experiencing) that
they cannot adequately co-parent and help their children adjust to the transition. Learning how to simultaneously separate
(psychologically) from one’s former spouse and work as a team for the benefit of the children is tricky, but critical, business.
Enter René Ashton and her wisdom about how to make possible what feels like the impossible. She speaks to her readers candidly
about how easy it is to justify poor behavior towards one’s ex. Her honest account of her own harrowing experiences with her
daughter’s father is about as bad as it gets. Yet, René is acutely aware that dealing with the psychological fallout of post-divorce
life is not an excuse for indulging one’s hatred and outrage. To do so is to negatively impact one’s children’s welfare.
How is it possible for parents, in the wake of divorce, to get beyond playing out their crippling emotions towards each other so that
their children are not burdened by them? According to René, they must be willing to examine and reflect on their own life, their
choices and their post-divorce relationship with their former spouse. She offers various exercises to help with this journey. Doing
so helps them to gain control over these powerful feelings which, in turn, allows them to co-parent in a less emotional and more
thoughtful way. René assures her readers that they will, indeed, have strong negative feelings towards their ex. However, how they
are managed is what will make the difference between successful and unsuccessful co-parenting.
As a psychologist who specializes in helping people adjust to their post-divorce lives, I am very impressed with the simple way that
Rene addresses a complex topic. Raising a healthy child is a team sport that requires active collaboration from both parents. René
is completely on target with her primary message that success or failure of healthy co-parenting depends largely on the cooperation
and communication of both parents. Bottom line; Learn how to get along with your ex regardless of how you feel."
Dr. Deborah Hecker, www.DrDeborahHecker.com
"Few things tear a child apart on the inside more than their parents' messy divorce on the outside. "How to Stop Hating Your Ex So
You Can Co-Parent in Peace" is a guide for parents who have turned to divorce yet want to continue to be the best parents they
can to their children in spite of their problems with the other parent. Enlightened and honest, René Ashton draws on her own
experience and offers readers many ideas. "How to Stop Hating Your Ex..." is a top pick for recent divorcees."
Mid West Book Review
Customer Reviews
"High conflict divorce continues to produce terrible and sometimes lifelong psychological
damage to the children of divorce. One of the most challenging obstacles for parents to
overcome are decisions revolving around custody schedules and post-divorce co-parenting.
Custody decision-making is a notorious battleground with the quest being “to win” child
custody. Sadly, there really are no winners during a divorce and the losers in this battle
are always the children. Parents lose sight of the fact that the person they are battling
with is the mother or father of their child and that child only wants to see and hear about
the good in each parent. Focusing on the ex-spouse tends to blind parents from the insight
and awareness of the harm they are causing their children by arguing, fighting, and
being vicious in front of the eyes and ears of their own children.
In my practice I coach parents how to get through a divorce or custody dispute on the path of least
resistance. Eventually, there is almost always a sense of relief by my clients that they no longer have to fight, but instead can
advocate with purpose and good child-centered judgment. This is an uphill effort, but the parents who stick with it are the ones
willing to do the personal work that requires them to keep their children’s best interests in the forefront. This orients a parent to a
personal and internal therapeutic undertaking rather than an external battle that has collateral damage to the child. Growth does
not come with easy decisions, but always with personal change and substantial compromise to be the better person and better
parent.
How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace comes as a valuable resource for any parent going through a
divorce. I have found it to be extremely unique in the brutal honesty that was disclosed by René Ashton’s journey through a painful
co-parenting relationship and custody matter. If you are a parent in a divorce, you will surely identify with her regardless of your
gender and learn from her shared strengths and weaknesses. The exercises in this book are ones that promote your own honesty and
encourage you to remain engaged in prioritizing your child’s needs. It will hold you accountable for being responsive to their
development and well being. This accountability can raise your esteem and challenge you to reach your potential to be an optimal
role model as the mother or father your child deserves. This book will become a “must-read” and “must-do” form of therapeutic
homework for the clients in my practice in years to come."
Dr. Eric Frazer, Forensic Psychologist
Assistant Clinical Professor-Yale University School of Medicine www.DrFrazer.com
“This book offers a unique combination of a personal story and thought provoking suggestions and exercises. Although the topic of
divorce and co-parenting is laden with theory and deep emotions, René’s casual and humorous writing style makes it an easy read.
While validating the overwhelming emotions (so important!) which arise as a result of divorce and co-parenting issues, René’s
analogies and metaphors elicit the recognition reflex and an occasional chuckle (also very important!). “There was a lot of water
loss in my body during the pregnancy. It all came from my eyes! I like the way she reinforced and repeated the significance of
working through the exercises, which provide a valuable tool for insight, awareness and eventual healing. “How To Stop Hating
Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace” reveals that it isn’t just about “going” through but rather “growing” through the
difficult life experience of divorce and co-parenting. Just as René did, readers will be able to acquire insight and awareness in order
to emerge as whole and happy people who are excellent parents and positive role models for their children.
Linda A. Lucatorto, M.Ed., CPC
The Oasis Experience, Inc. ® www.OasisExperience.com
"At last an amazing book has arrived, How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace. This information will provide
millions of parents with an educational tool that will teach, motivate, test, solve and change barriers that often interfere with the
important task of parents working together after a divorce or separation.
René Ashton’s personal experiences of struggling and surviving are comforting and insightful. Ms. Ashton encourages one to
become transparent with their own emotions without guilt as they work through the difficult process of parenting after a separation.
A valuable resource long pass due. Thanks.”
Jacqueline Bunkley, Social Worker, Teacher & Consultant/ Guest Lecturer for the Los Angeles Superior Court/ Family Court
Services/ PACT
"Overcoming abusive relationships is a multi-dynamic process. René Ashton's book kick-starts the healing by compassionately
bringing the reader to a safe place to examine his/her own needs and the strengths possessed to achieve them."
Julia P. Pengra Clarke, M.A. RDT.
"As a mediator, I have conducted well over 4,500 child custody mediations. Many disputed issues can be avoided, making court
intervention unnecessary if divorcing parents learn how to deal with their own thoughts and emotions first. How to Stop Hating
Your Ex lays out a very simple, yet effective way to do just that and as a result, save themselves and their children a lot of
heartache. I heartily endorse Rene' Ashton's work because she speaks truth straight from her own experiences. I am convinced that
if more post-divorce parents would apply what she teaches, there would be fewer protracted family law court cases and families
would be able to get on with their lives much sooner.
Richard E. Abbey, MA
Empowering Families
www.EmpowerMyFamily.com
"As a matrimonial and custody lawyer for 30 years I’ve been leading the fight for fathers’ rights and I know first-hand what my
firm’s clients need to get through the demanding world of Family Law. This masterful integration of her personal story, empathy for
the reader and thoughtfully created exercises insures that when an individual is ready they will have a powerful tool in their hands.
René’s insightful and heartfelt work will become an indispensable guidebook and resource for those who are ready to move forward
in their life and the lives of their children.
Attorney Jeffery M. Leving
DadsRights.com
"Are you spending every waking hour hating your ex for the misery in your life? Many people feel this way after divorce. I hear
from women all the time who are still angry at their ex many years after their divorce. This is such a waste because this resentment
keeps them chained to the past, unable to move on and enjoy life. Do you really want to be controlled by your bitter feelings ten
years from now?
If you're ready to move on with your life, then take the time to read "How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In
Peace" by René Ashton. This is a great book for any parent who is struggling with their feelings about co-parenting with an ex that
has caused them pain.
Using her own trials and tribulations as an example, René walks you through the steps to peel back the layers of anger, hurt, and
resentment that may be holding you back from being the best parent for your child. This is a hands-on; roll up your sleeves type of
book that requires more than just casual reading (which is often quickly forgotten). With guided exercises, you can begin to work
through your emotions and get past the bitterness that colors your world. And yes, it really is possible.
Even though the book is geared towards helping you co-parent in peace, it's also an excellent resource for helping anyone move
past a break-up, separation, or divorce. By taking control of how you feel about the situation, you can then focus on becoming the
best parent for your child. And after all, that's what it's all about."
Tracy Achen, Founder of WomansDivorce.com
“I found René’s book to be dead-on when she gives suggestions on how to reduce and control the negative aspects when you
“must” co-parent with your ex. As a divorce mediator, I can attest to what René states in her book. If you take what she writes to
heart, you will be a better parent."
Brian James, C.E.L. & Associates, Inc. Divorce Mediation & Therapy Services
www.yourdivorce.org
"René’s book is a brilliant and down to earth reminder that our children and our joy must be priorities, that forgiveness is so
important and powerful, and that world peace begins at home.”
Wendy Spiller, Spiritual Coach www.LifeLovesYou.ws
“How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace is a masterpiece. Not only does René share her personal life story
and her many challenges, she also mentors and encourages you throughout the book with tips and tools to support you when
dealing with your ex. What a powerful combination!”
Joanie Winberg, Founder and CEO
National Association of Divorce for Women & Children
NADWC.org
"As an expert in the field of parenting, communication skills and personal development, I highly recommend this book. René takes
you through a step-by-step process that releases animosity so you can take responsibility for your own actions and be the best
parent you can be. Your kids deserve it!"
Andrea Frank Henkart
Bestselling author
Cool Communication: From Conflict to Cooperation for Parents and Kids
"An honest look at taking responsibility for yourself and moving out of the victim place and into personal power, this book shows
you how with humor blended with the tears.”
Jean Adrienne, Author & Internet Talk Show Host www.inner-speak.com
"Phyllis Block owner of Kidz-first monitoring service in Los Angeles wishes all her clients would read René’s book. The book would
give fighting couples a chance to listen to someone who has been where they are. Most couples are so caught up in being right or
wanting revenge that don’t think about their children. Children have a right to love both parents and spend time with both parents.
Thanks René for writing such a honest and straight forward book."
Phyllis Block, Kidz-first
"How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent In Peace is more than just a book; it’s a tool single parents can use to help
achieve co-parenting success.
Although the divorce process is hard enough for people to face, trying to adjust to life after divorce is more difficult than many
realize. Throwing children into the mix can potentially lead to a disaster if parents aren’t prepared for the challenges presented
while parenting with an ex.
René Ashton’s book helps readers take the focus off hating an ex-spouse and put the focus on themselves and what they can control.
Learn what you can do to take control of a situation right along with the author. Put the focus back on you and what you can do to
be more productive while completing the exercises in the book along with the author.
This book is a great way to get down to business and figure out how you really feel about the situations you face, your ex and
yourself. But more importantly, the book will help you work through those feelings so you can make having a successful parenting
relationship with your ex achievable and triumphant.
After divorce, make sure your child knows you are there for him or her. Get helpful tips on how to choose activities that will be fun
for you and your child. The book does a great job at getting readers to think about themselves for a change, as well as how to
create the best environment for their child.
Realize with the help of this book that you aren’t in a relationship with your ex anymore. Stop yourself from continuing to be the
relationship you once had – take a breath and get your power back after reading Ashton’s section about past relationships.
Wake up and smell the coffee! This book even points out how the emotions you have been bottling up inside are affecting your body.
René Ashton does a wonderful job relating to the feelings and situations her readers are experiencing while co-parenting. She helps
readers learn from her mistakes and grow by looking at their actions.
All-in-all How To Stop Hating Your Ex So You Can Co-Parent in Peace is a quick yet informative read that offers readers a look at
how successful co-parenting can work. René’s easy-going tone makes it feel like you are having a conversation with a friend rather
than reading a How-to book."
Erin Kelley, writer for Total Divorce
"Don’t be deceived by the lightheartedness of this gem of a book. It is chock full of powerful insights and advice about how to
effectively navigate the most important post-divorce relationships in your life; your children and your former spouse.
Each year more than one million children in the U.S. are affected by the grim reality of divorce. It goes without saying that all
divorcing parents want what is best for their children. It is equally true, however, that most divorcing parents are so preoccupied
with their own post-divorce sadness, anger, and fear (to name just a few of the overwhelming emotions they are experiencing) that
they cannot adequately co-parent and help their children adjust to the transition. Learning how to simultaneously separate
(psychologically) from one’s former spouse and work as a team for the benefit of the children is tricky, but critical, business.
Enter René Ashton and her wisdom about how to make possible what feels like the impossible. She speaks to her readers candidly
about how easy it is to justify poor behavior towards one’s ex. Her honest account of her own harrowing experiences with her
daughter’s father is about as bad as it gets. Yet, René is acutely aware that dealing with the psychological fallout of post-divorce
life is not an excuse for indulging one’s hatred and outrage. To do so is to negatively impact one’s children’s welfare.
How is it possible for parents, in the wake of divorce, to get beyond playing out their crippling emotions towards each other so that
their children are not burdened by them? According to René, they must be willing to examine and reflect on their own life, their
choices and their post-divorce relationship with their former spouse. She offers various exercises to help with this journey. Doing
so helps them to gain control over these powerful feelings which, in turn, allows them to co-parent in a less emotional and more
thoughtful way. René assures her readers that they will, indeed, have strong negative feelings towards their ex. However, how they
are managed is what will make the difference between successful and unsuccessful co-parenting.
As a psychologist who specializes in helping people adjust to their post-divorce lives, I am very impressed with the simple way that
Rene addresses a complex topic. Raising a healthy child is a team sport that requires active collaboration from both parents. René
is completely on target with her primary message that success or failure of healthy co-parenting depends largely on the cooperation
and communication of both parents. Bottom line; Learn how to get along with your ex regardless of how you feel."
Dr. Deborah Hecker, www.DrDeborahHecker.com
"Few things tear a child apart on the inside more than their parents' messy divorce on the outside. "How to Stop Hating Your Ex So
You Can Co-Parent in Peace" is a guide for parents who have turned to divorce yet want to continue to be the best parents they
can to their children in spite of their problems with the other parent. Enlightened and honest, René Ashton draws on her own
experience and offers readers many ideas. "How to Stop Hating Your Ex..." is a top pick for recent divorcees."
Mid West Book Review
Customer Reviews
So You Can Co-Parent in Peace
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Read what people are saying about the book...
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