How to Stop Hating Your Ex
So You Can Co-Parent in Peace
All rights reserved.
Love your children
more than you hate
your ex.

"Parents should minimally declare a 'truce' for their celebrated special holidays (holy days) and
remember that their children are still sacred to them and giving their children the gift of peace
will be more meaningful than anything material."
www.DrFrazer.com

"Give Your Children The Gift Of A Guilt Free Holiday Season - Children should not carry the
burden of their parents' anger, resentment or feelings of being overwhelmed.  If one is unable to
be with their children on the actual holiday,it is important to make contact with them on that day.
The celebration can take place on the following day.  Have you ever known a child who would
not love to celebrate the holidays more than once?"
www.DrDeborahHecker.com


"Ten Things to Do and Not to Do During the Holidays After Divorce

       5 Things to Do

  1. Give yourself the gift of YOU - Re-charge your energy to lower your stress and avoid living in the
    “red zone” during the holiday season. It is a must to schedule a minimum of ten minutes a day for
    yourself every single day to recharge your energy, even if only sitting down with a cup of tea.
  2. Learn to let go - Throw that worn-out holiday to-do list in the nearest receptacle! Instead focus your
    time and energy on planning fun activities with your children and special friends.
  3. Start new traditions - To help move your life forward after divorce, it is important to start new holiday
    traditions with your children and family. Some of the new traditions could include engaging your
    children to reach out to a local charity or children’s hospital and plan a daily “act of kindness.”
  4. Focus on the positive - Start today with positive thinking and reduce those negative feelings before
    they overwhelm your state of mind. Pick a day to begin, and have your children identify one thing they
    are grateful for. Post the list on the refrigerator and let them add an item each day. A great way to
    start the New Year!
  5. Be kind to Yourself - Do something special for yourself, especially during the holiday season. Go
    shopping and buy something just for you…not the children or the house. Plan an evening with friends
    or rent a movie and relax. Embrace the goodness of your spirit and decide that you control your
    peacefulness.

       5 Things Not to Do!

  1. Don’t let your mind work overtime - During the holidays and after divorce, it is very common for your
    mind to work overtime with the “what ifs” and “if only” as well as negative thoughts. When the
    holiday stress starts – reflect on your contributions to the happiness of others; a smile to a homeless
    person, a thank you to a colleague, a hug with your children.
  2. Don’t isolate yourself - Especially during the holidays, surround yourself with supportive friends and
    family. Plan a pot luck gathering in your home and have each person bring a new friend to share the
    holiday spirit.
  3. Don’t beat yourself up - After divorce, many women have the attitude that “I’m not good enough”
    and this feeling seems to skyrocket even more during the holidays. Be gentle with yourself! You are
    unique and special. There is no one else in the universe like you. Prepare to launch your new self with
    laughter and new intentions.
  4. Don’t let bitterness take over - Turn your energy towards your future. Build a “dream” collage about
    your future and have your children do the same. Get a pile of magazines, a pair of scissors, and glue
    stick…and go for it. Have some fun!
  5. Don’t ignore your intuition - Emotions run very high during the holidays and it may seem difficult to
    make a decision. Listen to your heart-of-hearts. Be patient with your decisions and understand that
    choice is by design. Honor your sense of right and wrong and believe in who you have become."

Joanie Winberg, CEO/Founder
The National Association of Divorce for Women and Children
www.NADWC.org

"Co-parenting doesn't stop with separation, not even when it comes to filling the children's Christmas
stockings".
http://judithsdivorceblog.blogspot.com/2009/12/dear-santa.html

Happy Holidays? Hope With a Plan for Divorced Parents!
By Jeffery M. Leving

"Another year has flown by and the holiday season has landed on the doorstep of many divorced and
separated parents with an unceremonious “thud”. If you’re a parent dreading the inevitable visitation
struggles the holidays bring, it’s hard to view the sights and sounds of the season with joy. But there is hope
with a good plan.

Regardless of whether your holiday visitation arrangements resulted from peaceful negotiations or all-out war,
trying to determine the Who/What/When/Where of holiday planning can create problems, but they can be
solved. Sure, you negotiated where your children spend holidays when you signed the divorce papers, but did
you prepare yourself for the reality of having holiday dinner fall on your ex’s weekend or your struggle to
enjoy your child’s holiday concert when you’re stuck sitting next to your ex, who has undermined your
relationship with your children at every turn? While the holidays can magnify suffering caused by a difficult
divorce, careful preparation can ensure your sanity, your children’s happiness, and prevent the holidays from
escalating into World War III.

There are several steps you can take as a parent to ease holiday stress on your children. First, you need to sit
down with your ex and figure out issues such as gifts and specific times you each spend together with your
children if there is any confusion. Clarifying these matters in advance can eliminate holiday conflict and
prevent last-minute disappointments. It’s difficult to compromise when your ex refuses to budge, but if
tensions rise and the conversation transforms into an argument, take a deep breath and remember- finding an
amicable middle ground can benefit your children.

Avoid trying to buy your children’s love by springing for extravagant gifts. An expensive gift does not reverse
parental alienation and you will create unrealistic long-term expectations for your children. Instead, talk with
your ex about gifts you both plan to give your children to create consistency. However, if negotiations fail,
contact an attorney well versed in the “Parental Alienation Syndrome” if your ex is poisoning your children
against you or interfering with your visitation or parenting time. Interfering with your court ordered visitation
or parenting time can be punishable by a contempt and incarceration in any state and is a crime in several
states. I co-authored the visitation and parenting time interference law in Illinois making such conduct a
crime, and you can read about it at www.dadsrights.com.

Beware of the ghost of holidays past. Your future holidays belong to you, so begin this year by cultivating the
new traditions and the new memories you will be enjoying with your children.  

Divorce attorney Jeffery M. Leving’s groundbreaking books, “Divorce Wars” and “Fathers’ Rights” guide
parents through difficult custody and visitation disputes. In August, Leving was selected as an expert resource
for the first White House Roundtable on Responsible Fatherhood."
www.DadsRights.com